Guess I maybe should have kept that...oh well!

Today's episode of Grace's fever and rash brought to mind an incident from nearly 8 years ago. It was the summer of 2001. Carson was newly diagnosed with a hole in his heart and a rare liver disease that only strikes babies. We were watching for blue spells, sweating, white poops, yellow eyes, fever and any other signs that his heart and or liver might be not doing what they should. You know, typical newborn stuff.

Needless to say, the copy of "What to Expect the First Year" didn't cover any of those aforementioned topics. Sure, I could learn how to suck the snot out of his little nose, but did I really need a book to walk me through the steps? I don't think so.

So, one day when Daddy was out and Carson was nursing I started paging through the book. The chapters regarding the developmental milestones and what to watch for seemed worthless. I don't recall what the 'major illness' chapter was about, but I know liver disease and cardiac issues weren't even mentioned.

I wanted to burn the book. I even had visions of making smores over that damn thing. I was so angry. It was all a part of the loss of a dream - of an idyllic newborn experience.

I didn't exactly have a good place to start a fire. So when Carson finished eating, I tore it to shreds. It felt so, so, so good. Very cathartic and therapeutic. And I recycled it, so it wasn't a total waste.

I didn't have the heart to open up the "What to Expect During the Toddler Years" book. Needless to say, that book and the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" were out of our house within days...I think we donated them. I'm not sure what happened to them - I just didn't want to ever see those books again.

Carson had a very healthy childhood. We've always said that with the exception of a few ear infections (and those only started after he got hearing aids) - he was a healthy kid! (Okay, yeah, he had four major surgeries...but I'm talking typical 'kid' illness...never got that stuff until strep throat and pneumonia invaded.)

So, today one of those books could have come in handy. But thanks to webmd.com I feel just as informed. :-)